Fletcher fell in love with a 'Boy,' so why is she so sad about it?

What exactly is Fletcher mourning? Is she grieving her loss of community or status? She is still just as queer as she ever was, and in the vast majority of the world, being with a man only raises her status.

Of course, there will always be some biphobic members of the queer community, but there aren't as many biphobes are there are bisexuals.

Fletcher is far from being alone in being a queer woman attracted to or dating a man. Many other queer singers like Dove Cameron, Demi Lovato, and Miley Cyrus have all proudly declared themselves queer and are currently in committed relationships with men.

Those singers' relationships with men didn't evoke the same type of feelings among their queer fans that "Boy" has for Fletcher. But none of them released a whole song and album mournfully declaring that they "had no choice" but to fall for the men they love.

Queer singer Kesha just released a song last month titled "Boy Crazy." It's a fun and sexy celebration of her sexuality. There's no hint of sadness that she, as a queer woman, goes crazy for men. And there shouldn't be.

In reality, Fletcher's community didn't get smaller. It got bigger. Now, more women can relate to her music than ever before. This is even true among queer women.

According to a 2024 Gallup poll, 57 percent of all adults who identify as LGBTQ+ identify as bisexual, versus only 15 percent identifying as lesbians.

The Pew Research Center reports that five percent of the overall female population describes themselves as bisexual, versus just two percent describing themselves as lesbians. It also reports that for people of all genders under 30, 11 percent identify as bisexual, versus four percent who identify as gay or lesbian.

Some in the lesbian community also see the launch and timing of the song as tone deaf.

In the song, Cari sings that she's "hiding out in Northern California / Where nobody knows who I was before / Where they won't judge me in the morning."

This sounds like she's been enjoying spending time living a life where no one knew she was into women, where she's seen for who she is now: a woman dating a man.

She even deleted all her Instagram posts from before this month, wiping away years of her personal public history of sapphic singing and dykey dancing.

To some fans, this sends the message that that was the old Fletcher, and the new Fletcher is all about boys.

To some listeners, releasing a song about the fear of being persecuted for being a woman who is in love with a man during Pride month also feels somewhat insulting in a world where attacks on same-sex relationships are growing.

This past January, Fletcher might've felt nervous to "come out" about her relationship with a man. Meanwhile, lesbians were rushing to get married and worrying that Donald Trump and other conservative proponents of Project 2025 would soon overturn the Supreme Court case that allows us to marry each other.

The problem isn't that Fletcher is in love with a man, or that she's singing about it. Anyone who criticizes Fletcher for "queerbaiting" or says she's "not queer enough" is flat-out wrong and foolish. But why does she have to be so sad about the situation?

In an interview with Them, Fletcher said that she was "scared" to come out about her relationship. "I’m cycling through some of the same feelings I felt when I came out 10 years ago of shame and guilt and fear and anxiety and wondering how people are going to react and going to receive me," she said. "For there to be this much fear in a community that I should belong in is a very real feeling that I have. I acknowledge it and I see that that’s there."

With "Boy," it feels like she's painted herself into a corner with a self-fulfilling prophecy that her fans would be upset she is in love with a man. If she's so sad and scared about it, how can she not expect her fans to be sad and scared as well? The only things her fans know about her relationship is what she is telling them, and she is sending a strong message that being a queer woman who loves a man is a tragedy.

By releasing a song that seems to focus on self-pity and fear, it almost feels like Fletcher isn't proud to be herself, and that's not the unapologetic Cari that her fans have come to know and love.